No day of the year is more bittersweet than New Year's Eve. It's a time of closing doors on those things we need to leave behind in anticipation of the promise of new opportunities in a new year.
This year now closing has been a year of hard decisions for me and my partner. We struggled with a lot of issues - his health, how best to navigate the continuing Covid-19 crisis, my retirement, the Covid-19 vaccine, getting back to a more normal routine, his need for different transportation, and not least of all our shared concerns on how we will survive as the supply chain weakens.
There was a time we looked forward to New Year's Eve and a party night with our friends. Well, if you have a disability, "friends" tend to "dis-include" you. We've learned our lessons well.
Not counting the pages, my secret little realms as it were, this is entry number 1100 here at the blog. I began Between the Keys on January 1, 2008, with the announcement I was now writing as KC Kendricks and had submitted KC's first story to Amber Quill Press. It seems like a very long time ago. Before that, I wrote under the name Rayne Forrest, whose beginning goes back beyond January of 2003, when "Rayne" got her first contract. I do wish I'd not closed Rayne's first blog. I'd dearly love to have access to those memories.
My life has taken turns I never expected, never worked for, never wanted. That's life.
Covid-19 continues to impact our lives. In July of 2021, I'd had enough. I turned in my letter of resignation. It did not go well. My employer offered me the moon to stay. I laid out my terms and so I'm still employed with full benefits and a workweek that suits my schedule, not theirs. No matter. When my next birthday arrives, I will be retired.
Now it seems there is another bend in the road. I've never worked as hard on anything in my life as I worked on my writing. It stretched me, shaped me, sustained me, but my vision of myself as a writer has shifted in kaleidoscope fashion, fracturing into shapes and colors that while are mesmerizing, never appear whole and static even with distance.
I need some distance now if I am to reinvent and rejuvenate myself. The publishing world has changed greatly. Many of us never foresaw the decline of the online publisher. I worked with ten different epubs in my career and they are all gone but one. Independent vendors such as All Romance eBooks proved to have allegedly dishonest business practices. Piracy of intellectual property continues unchecked.
Yes, the closing of this year is bittersweet. Continuing to do things that don't encourage you to thrive isn't healthy. I'm stepping back. Will I continue to write? I honestly do not know. It's very difficult to imagine walking away from almost half my life. Perhaps it's how right it feels that scares me. I'll continue to blog at Holly Tree Manor (The Hideaway) regularly. That blog is not about writing and is more of a journal. And Deuce will continue to blog at Deuce's Day for as long as he lives. He's the joy in my life.
I hope that I'll sit down at my computer one day and have the burning desire to write. I know I will and look forward to that day. But right now, I'm too emotionally exhausted by outside influences to write and a good rest - a legitimate rest - is all I need. I suspect when I can finally walk away from the day job FOR THE LAST TIME, a great weight will lift from me and I'll be ready.
I thank all of you for traveling this road with me. It has meant so much! Yes, that's easy to say but the words are heartfelt. Thank you!
We shall see where the new year takes me, what it brings to my life. I'm a bit curious to discover what doors open for me. What's out there is always interesting.
KC/Rayne
The 2017 Retrospective
The 2016 Retrospective
The 2015 Retrospective
The 2014 Retrospective
The 2013 Retrospective
The 2012 Retrospective
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