Conversations with myself

October 28, 2023

Muse: "Are you sure?"

Me: "I'm sure of nothing."

Muse: "You're allowing someone else's vision of who you should be and what you should do to make decisions for you. Ask yourself 'why' and discover those answers."

Me: "Well, what's the fucking question, bitch? You always come at me with riddles."  
(Am I allowing someone else's opinion/vision to sway me?)

Muse: "No, I don't. Sometimes you're so wrapped up in your responsibilities to understand what I'm trying to tell you. I know caring for a handicapped partner, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, taking the trash to the landfill, mowing the grass, cutting firewood, and now this gig while your girl is on maternity leave, is exhausting. Should you make decisions when you're this far underwater?"

Me: "I don't want your sympathy. I am woman, hear me roar, remember!"
(I feel like I'm just squeaking at the moment.)

Muse: "You know I'm making sense. Can you admit that much?"

Me: "Sure. You think I don't hear you, and I do. Hearing you doesn't change MY question."

Muse: "The answer hinges on whether or not you're allowing someone else to sway your feelings. Why did you write the first story? Do you remember how ambivalent you were about publishing it? You weren't sure you wanted the aggravation, but you allowed someone to convince you, and here we are."

Me: "It was foolish of me to allow my mother to influence me. I knew it was for her so that she could tell all her friends HER daughter was published. She sucked the joy out of it." 

Muse: "Yes. And now it's all up to you. Let me ask you this - why do you feel like your only validation comes from the number of copies you move?"

Me: "Maybe because I used to sell more when Amber Quill was in the picture. I'm not really sure. It would be nice for the royalties to buy me another vehicle, wouldn't it? Just don't tell me I need to write every day because that was never true for me."

Muse: "I've never said that to you! I gave you a new idea just last night. Do you want to move on that?"

Me: "I don't know. I have an awful lot to do. There is still a huge pile of firewood logs to get cut and split out there. I'm not feeling up to the task of starting a new project."

Muse: "You are. Just a few steps every day. Create the character bios and go from there. Three hundred words at a time is very doable."

Me: "That will take forever!"

Muse: "Who cares? Does it matter how long it takes? Write it for us. You and me. When you finish it, we can decide if anyone else gets to read it."

Me: "And if no one does?"

Muse: "Fuck 'em."

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KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/the-bookshelf-of-kc-kendricks-and-rayne_3.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, contemporary gay romance, Rayne Forrest, romance fiction, writing, blogging, X Twitter, m/m romance, LGBT gay romance, author

Arriving at the dreaded crossroads

October 22, 2023

I've dreaded the coming of this day. I typed THE END in the Sumner's Garden manuscript. It's usually good to get one drafted, but this one is different. This may really be the end. 

For years I had this rosy vision of my retirement years. I'd get to finally be The Lady of the Manor and a full-time writer. The Lady of the Manor I certainly am, but the writer part of me is despondent. Writing isn't what it used to be. It's changed, at least for me. 

When I began my writing journey, e-publishing was in its infancy. I was happy to get in and be a part of that. And I was there when it was washed away by Amazon's quest to be the only game in town. Kindle Unlimited diminishes the author's worth so I don't subscribe to it. My work is worth more than pennies and I would rather end it than give it away.

Sour grapes, you say? No. I know my own worth. I know exploitation when I see it. 

I've known this day was coming. I've thought about both sides of this personal decision and I'm no closer to knowing what's best for me than I was a year ago when I decided I had to write Sumner's Garden for ME. 

Autumn is a time of change. I've been in my sunroom office all morning watching the leaves fall and drift on the wind. The lawn is carpeted in a coat of many colors. The camera doesn't do it justice but the naked eye drinks it in and adds it to memory. 

It may happen that Sumner's Garden ends up on my Kindle and nowhere else. If that becomes my choice, I can live with it.

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KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/the-bookshelf-of-kc-kendricks-and-rayne_3.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, life decisions, publishing industry, crossroads, a writer's life, m/m romance books for Kindle, exploitation of writers, long and winding road

Shared journeys

October 13, 2023

Wisdom and sage words are often found in unexpected places. I don't generally think of X (formerly known as Twitter) as a fount of knowledge. All the shiny American muscle cars in my feed are just for fun, as are the funny memes. Along the way I've identified a few folks as being kindred spirits, and likely there for many of the same reasons as me. We're there for the interactions, not the evening news quotes, although I have found a few worthy quotes. I found one just the other day. 

"We're all walking each other home." 

I saw this on Ron Perry's feed and I hope he won't mind me using it for blog fodder. It struck a deep chord with me. The nuances in that statement are endless. 

Much has been written about the joy being in the journey. We're told we all share the path. Much has been said about the brotherhood of man. We're all in this together! But somehow, the idea that we're all walking each other home is more profound. 

Home is, or should be, our sanctuary, our safe place. Home is where we are at our most vulnerable in sleep. Home is where we nurture our spouse and our children. And at the end of our days, Home is where we will go. 

Yes, it was the picture of those around me walking me to a home in heaven that made me stop and consider our walk. How am I treating those people who are walking me home? Am I a burden to them? They aren't a burden to me as I share their walk. 

We're all walking each other home. We should do it with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. If we can do that, the walk will be easier to bear. 

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KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/the-bookshelf-of-kc-kendricks-and-rayne_3.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, contemporary gay romance, m/m romance, Kindle romance, X, Twitter, quotes, journeys, a writer's life, kindness, together

Having a writing partner

October 8, 2023

I confess. I like the formerly known as Twitter social media. My feed is full of shiny muscle cars these days, and if you read my books, you know my guys always drive a certain type of car be it a cool muscle car or a muscle car wannabe. My feed is also full of people asking fun questions like what would you do if you found a bag of money? (That's a tough one.) But sometimes, a good question about writing pops up. Recently, one of those writing questions was about having a writing partner. 

I'm not sure having a writing partner is something everyone should do. Writing is personal. Pulling words out of the air and bending them to your will to form a cohesive story isn't as easy as it seems. And doing it with someone? Well, it better be a special someone. 

When I first published at the now-defunct Amber Quill Press, I was welcomed by the late Chris Grover, and we developed an enduring friendship. After a few YEARS, Chris proposed a joint venture and I said, "Let's talk." So we talked. And we set a few boundaries, the most important of which was our own work came first. If one of us was in edits, any joint project had to wait. The other big one was not to tell our joint publisher we'd have a project finished at a certain date. (She bent this one once.)

All-in-all it was a good experience for me. Chris and I had both been writing for years and had a good body of work. Our styles were very similar as was our work ethic. There were occasions when we asked which of us wrote a particular passage which was cause for some laughter. 

The biggest drawback in our partnership usually occurred in the middle of a co-written story when our vision of where we were going diverged. We would discuss scenarios and reach a compromise. It wasn't always easy, but we stuck with it until we were both satisfied. 

I think our partnership worked because we had taken the time to get to know each other first. Chris was twenty years older than me, and I'm sure she didn't want to waste time on an immature twit. I didn't want to waste my time on someone who wasn't as equally serious about the craft as I was. We were of an age to have lived through a lot of the same experiences in the same decades of change. Shared experiences do matter - a lot. 

Teaming with another writer isn't for everyone. As much as I liked Chris, and as much as I still miss her, it wasn't all roses. But we were both mature enough to keep talking, to keep tossing out ideas, and we were both mature enough to recognize that divergent points of view about and within the story weren't a personal attack. If you can't separate a disagreement about a plot point from your emotions, you should not be a writing partner. 

Try it, or not. It can be a wonderful experience or a journey through hell. It's up to you to make that choice. Will it cement a friendship, or end it? Your list of pros and cons will be different from mine. Chris's list was different from mine, but it hit enough of the same points that I knew we could work together. 

Taking on a partner is a big step. It was a positive experience for me, and I hope it was for Chris. I wish I could ask her, but she passed in 2019. I don't think I would partner again. It might be good for me, but it just wouldn't be the same.

 _*_*_*_*_*_*_

KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/the-bookshelf-of-kc-kendricks-and-rayne_3.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, writing partners, collaborative works, gay romance fiction, Kindle romance, LGBT gay romance, M/M romance, writers on writing, writing pros and cons

When you do something and then regret it

October 1, 2023

This past week, I had the [dubious] joy of going back to work. Hell, yes, it's temporary! I'm not that crazy, you know. My protégé, the lovely Allyson, gave birth to her daughter last week and I'm filling in while she's on maternity leave. 

Five more weeks, Allyson, and it's all yours. 

I was pleased many months ago when they asked if I'd cover for her. The idea of spending a day a week in town didn't make me too happy, but I got an instant workaround - remote access. That was a huge surprise. It works sort of okay, but I get screen freezes which isn't good when one is now being paid by the hour. 

And speaking of hours, I logged about twenty-five (25) of them last week. I'm not doing everything, just the job essentials. I felt a bit rusty, but it's coming back to me. I hope to spend a few less hours a week on the "work project." 

I worked from home a lot during the 2020 Covid pandemic shutdown. I was fortunate that no one was there when I went to the office, so I could go check the mail and come home. Now there are people there. Retirement has made me even more anti-social. The remote access wasn't set up then so I kept everything updated on the computers via a flash drive. 

The bottom line is I have a few regrets about agreeing to fill in. Life is better without deadlines. Life is better when the people you socialize with are the people you like best in the world. Life is better when I'm not waiting on the CEO to get her work done on time so I can process it. She NEVER gets anything done on time. I wonder if it's some sort of mind game. Five more weeks. 

I've grown accustomed to a loose schedule. The spousal unit and I now have "coffee time" every morning. One cup, or two, depending on the weather. I don't like having to cut short my time with him to go do work that is not writing-based. And therein lies the biggest regret. The time I have to be about the business of writing is greatly reduced. 

Will I live through it? Of course, I will. I'll do the best job I can so I can hold my head up and continue to behave like the mature adult I am. But at the end of week six, if she's not ready to come back to work, my price is going up. 

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KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/the-bookshelf-of-kc-kendricks-and-rayne_3.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, working remotely, work regrets, writers on writing, a writer's life, contemporary gay romance fiction, M/M romance, LGBT gay literature, retirement interrupted