Saturday, April 13, 2024

I won't say the words

April 13, 2024

Many years ago, on August 20, 2017, to be exact, I wrote these words: "...the last thing I ever want to say to anyone is 'I used to be a writer'."  In that blog post, I bemoaned how little time I had to write. I was working full-time, caring for my ailing stepfather, my mother was in a nursing home, and my husband's health was not robust. I did not have the time or energy to continue to write at the level I was accustomed to. Fast forward to today, and I'm adrift. 

But I refuse to say those words. 

Ron's passing has brought seismic changes to my life. In fact, my life as I knew it for the last thirty years is over. I'm now in a time of transition and, I suspect, a time of reinvention. 

I don't anticipate being able to practice my craft for at least the next few weeks. There are "business" matters to attend to. I need to cancel his cell phone, get the Internet transferred into my name, sell his van, and settle all medical accounts. There are also more personal things to attend to as well. His beloved Strat has been given to his son, and it hurt my heart to part with it. 

I'm free now. My days belong to me. It's rather daunting, too. The gardening season is just around the corner. There will soon be mowing to do and outside projects to complete. And there will be time to write. 

First and foremost, I will be kind to myself. I will give myself time to adjust to living alone again. It's been thirty years since the last time I did, and I'm far better equipped for it at this stage of my life. In many ways, I've been in training for it for the last few years as his health declined more rapidly. 

So how do I want to reinvent myself as a woman on her own? Do I want to follow the musings I've had in the middle of many sleepless nights? Or now that the time has arrived, do I want to strike out in directions never considered? 

The next few months will likely bring a few surprises to my door. I hope I'm ready for them. 


KC Kendricks
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KC Kendricks, Rayne Forrest, Between the Keys, death of spouse, LGBT gay romance, m/m romance, Kindle romance, on being a writer, life changes, Fender Strat, family, summer, gardening, 

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