Today marks six months since Ron passed. [deep breath] I thought I should record some of my thoughts, but I'm unsure where to start.
It was a lousy summer, and not because he wasn't here. The heat was brutal. The attempt to drill a new well was less than a resounding success, as was my garden.
Then again, my cousin L and I have been in constant contact, much the way we were as girls growing up. My friends have called every day to make sure all is well and I'm not lying dead on the floor being eaten by my heathen cat. I'm writing again, although on a reduced schedule since all the chores that keep the manor running smoothly now fall on me. (That is not a complaint - I like to mow!)
This is not the first time I've lived alone. I was living alone when Ron picked me up to go to his sister's birthday cookout and then he stayed for thirty years. Seriously - he brought me home and he never left. We had a lot of fun.
The truth is, as his health declined over the last ten years, I was being prepared to be on my own again. He was diligent in teaching me how to use tools, make repairs, and construct things like the garden racks. I can't say that I enjoy doing some maintenance items without him stepping me through the process, but he taught me rather well. Those things I can't do I at least have a working knowledge of so I won't get cheated by, oh, say, an auto mechanic. It's difficult for me to ask for help and it's infuriating when those who say "call me if you need help" never show up when I ask. I know I need to learn to do it myself and move on.
All-in-all I'm doing fine, but I miss his presence. I miss early mornings watching the weather while we had coffee. I miss sitting on the patio with him or him joining me in the garden to enjoy being outside.
Ron lived with pain these past few years and it wasn't easy to know that. But his spirit was strong as was his will. He didn't give up until they said "cancer" for the third time, this time in his lung. He couldn't take any more. I can't fault him for that.
I suppose I'll mark different days as the years pass. Birthdays and anniversaries to be sure, but also those days that became special to just us. And I'll live through them all not because he would expect it of me but because I expect it of myself. His spirit is a beacon for me to follow and I know I'm never truly alone.
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My home on the web- Between the Keys:
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at:
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html
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