My partner in life is not well. We've been dealing with a serious decline in his health since November 2023. Now we have an answer, but it's not one we ever wanted to hear. He has a mass in his lung. We know this but we're still living in limbo. We don't have a definitive answer on what it is, but I think we know. What the next step will be is also unclear. I've known the man for over thirty years and I can't say for sure he'll seek treatment.
He is tired.
It's difficult to imagine the exhaustion of spirit a person must experience to reach the point where one does not wish to seek treatment for a serious disease. I cannot force him in this. It has to be his choice. All I can do is deal with what comes afterward.
Whether or not he seeks treatment, our lives will exist in a sort of limbo. Any future we dream will be simply castles in the air, ones that float away on the next ill wind. If we can dream at all.
He will need care I feel ill-prepared to render. I'm not a nurse nor do I aspire to be one. I'm sure I will have help in the beginning, but it will soon fade away as siblings return to their lives, lives that have intact futures. The summer I'd hoped for, where I tend my garden and we sit in the shade as Lord and Lady of the Manor will not happen. It was a small dream, but it was mine.
How long will we endure this limbo? That is in God's hands. We pray for healing and yet we accept that death may come sooner rather than later. We do not know which is preferable, our limbo or the passing of his life. If it comes to the latter, he will finally be at peace. This is the way of life.
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