Saturday, June 6, 2015

This kind of education

June 6, 2015

This kind of education is worth every cent. - from Paradise Cafe by Arc Angels

No, my recent education wasn't worth every cent. It was valuable, but way too expensive. I will be years reckoning with the cost. To what do I refer? My recent spring vacation. 

I've got a serious problem lurking over my shoulder. I picture it grinning in secret glee. 

My spring vacations have been a source of joy for many years. Last year I was positively manic during the week. This year, looking back on the week just past, I've got some hard questions to answer. Is this merely a bump on road or something serious? To what extent am I going to allow it to affect my plans? What can I do now?

You see, the man of the house has been retired for many years. Please understand it's not been wine and roses for him. A kidney transplant followed by two rounds of cancer caused him to enter his post-employment phase. It wasn't something he chose. The damage done by disease and treatment is irrevocable. He'll never be strong and able again. It's a frustrating situation for both of us. 

My vacation was a definite intrusion into his time and space. I get it. I really do. He's used to having his days to himself to do whatever the hell he wants to do, which is usually not much. I was home and I wanted to do things he did not. And so my education began. 

It's up to me to decide where I go from here. I'm unwilling to change my retirement plans to accommodate his reluctance to lose the solitude to which he's accustomed. That is to say, I'm unwilling to continue to work past the point when I can afford to retire and write full time. And so he must begin to adjust his thinking, too. How much noise does one make when writing? Just the clicking of the keyboard. I like quiet, too. Perhaps it's my presence he finds objectionable. See the problem?

There's a saying that I find very apropos for today. "If it is to be, it is up to me." That's pretty straightforward. I shoulder the responsibility for my happiness both for today and for all tomorrows. 

If it is to be, it is up to me.   

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