Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Sometimes you just need to vent

February 22, 2017

I've been remiss with blogging so far in 2017. Busy is an excuse a lot of people use, but in some cases, it can be, and is, true. Work, home, writing, family, friends, Deuce. It keeps me hopping. 

Now I will confess my dismay at realizing February is almost a memory. Yes, Bourbon & Blues was released, but I'd hoped to accomplish a wee bit more. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself. Probably not. I've not focused on the tasks at hand this month. 

Being the dutiful daughter, my practice has been to leave the day job and go to the care facility to check on my mother (an Alzheimer's patient). Then it's home to fix dinner and on to check on my stepfather. If there's time left in the day, I spend it with my spouse. What crumbs of time are left allows me to squeeze in some writing - or play with Deuce. Deuce usually wins as he is persistent in ways known only to dogs. 

This February I'm not following the routine. I'm tired. I'm tired of always being "on." I'm tired of the demands of the day job. I'm tired of not having help with my mother. I'm tired of my spouse asking me "what's for dinner?" when he knows I've been on the go since daybreak and he's been home all day.  

I'm tired. I'm tired of people whining at me and then staring at me like I've sprouted an extra head when I whine back at them. Don't I get a chance to speak?

This is not like me. I don't recognize the place I'm in, probably because I'm so tired. I'm worried about myself in a way I've never been before. I worry I'm going to have to lie to the people I love to get away from them. 

Being an introvert is difficult enough. When the people around you refuse to allow you the quiet you need to be able to rest, one becomes a tired, surly introvert. 

Maybe I need to serve a warning to the people inside my sphere of influence. Back off or learn to duck and run because I suspect ripping a few folks a new one will give me more energy than a good night's sleep. Or maybe I'll just fall asleep at my desk. That will surely impress my co-workers.


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