A few days ago, January 20th to be exact, marked a year since I knew Ron wasn't going to recover. I don't know how I knew, but I did. Every other time over thirty years when he had a health crisis, I was calm and I knew it would be okay. Last January, it was simply different. Passing this anniversary has affected me more than I care to admit. I've been stalled these past few days.
I know how important it is to allow yourself to grieve. And I know grief doesn't travel a linear path. It twists and turns and doubles back on itself leaving a person exhausted.
We've been in the middle of a very cold January. Our creek has frozen over, but not strongly enough I'd test the ice. Today, the temperature has risen above freezing - hallelujah! I went out to start the Charger a little bit ago, fully expecting to find a dead battery, but she fired right up! There is still snow on the house roof, a testament to how well my humble abode is insulated. I'm delighted to see on the weather app that we're beginning a warming trend.
The current WIP is at the point where I'll wind it up. This is going to be a long book! I've been considering several options, thinking each one through, but I won't know which is the winner until I begin the next chapter. That's a bit of a metaphor for my life. I see several paths before me and I never know which one I'm going to take until I move my feet.
It's time I move my feet. The passing of time can be gut-wrenching, but it will happen whether we're happy, sad, content, or angry. The first year without Ron is swiftly coming to a close. March 30 will be here in the blink of an eye. I can't change time, but I can change me. I did not expect to still be a work-in-progress at this time in my life. I thought I'd have it figured out by now, but now I suspect I never will.
Life is sort of like the water in my creek. It might run swiftly, but sometimes it will freeze over and no one can see what lies beneath. When it thaws, we carry on to whatever new revelation it has brought us. And that's enough philosophy for today.
_*_*_*_*_*_*_
My home on the web- Between the Keys:
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at:
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html
No comments:
Post a Comment