Time capsules

August 19, 2025

A year ago I knew I needed to step away from the computer for awhile. My husband had died in March of 2024, and I can assure you that the death of a spouse puts a person in a strange state. I, who am a logical person, was certainly there. And yet, what I did to fill in the writing gap was not a logical step. I started to make videos. 

What was I thinking? The truth is I have no clue. 

Where did I want to go with it? The truth is I had no clue. Still don't. 

It did get my mind working again. Now I find I really enjoy sharing a bit of my real life, especially with women in my age group. I'm astonished at two of the women in my dinner clique. One is widowed, like me, and one is caring for a seriously ill spouse, like the former me. They depend on their children to do for them. I don't think it would take much for them to emotionally exhaust their offspring. Those women could do more for themselves, but they don't want to. I'm trying to show, through my videos, that taking care of yourself is not that difficult. 

Anyway...

Time marches on. It gets easier to navigate life alone. I've learned to relax and not worry about those things I don't get done TODAY. I prioritize the most important item on my list and make sure that's accomplished first. After that, the day is a breeze. The things undone will eventually be done. 

More and more, writing is once again a part of my day. I'm thinking about this or that story. I'm writing prose. If you're on Facebook, it may look as though I'm posting annoying promo after annoying promo, but when I come to a spot in a story where I need to evaluate the next bit, I pause and do something else. On a scorching hot summer day, that's zipping off a few promos. 

Looking back at the last year and a half is like looking into a time capsule. I'll never live through another time like that. But through it all I never doubted I'd come out the other side and be okay. I doubted if I'd write again, or if I wanted to stay in the house I shared with Ron, but I never once didn't believe that at my core I was fine. 

It's a very cool August day, with a light mist falling. A perfect day to write and to be about the business of writing. I think I'll get to it. 

      _*_*_*_*_*_*_

 KC Kendricks

My home on the web- Between the Keys: http://kckendricks.blogspot.com

Visit my bookshelf at: https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KCKendricks

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, time capsule, contemporary LGBT gay romance, m/m romance, Kindle male romance, a writer's life, authors, living alone, death of spouse

Christmas Eve 2024

This is my first Christmas Eve since Ron's passing. It was up to me to continue some of our personal traditions, and this I did.  

Steak for dinner - check.

A glass of wine - check.

A sappy Christmas movie - check.

Weather permitted it, so a quick drive to see our neighbor's Christmas light displays - check. 

This year I started what I hope will be a new Christmas Eve tradition for me. My cousin L, whom I grew up with, and S, my closest cousin's wife, went to the church service together at the small church in my community. It was a wonderful suggestion and I'm glad we could share the service together. I don't think we've been together on Christmas Eve since we were girls. And yes, I went to church after having a glass of wine and the roof of the church did not fall in on everyone's heads.

I miss Ron but I'm reminded I am not alone. I'm comforted by ancient words and the presence of people who care about me. My Christmas season looks different, true, but is no less meaningful. I will always carry Ron's memory with me no matter what next Christmas brings me. This is the way it is now and I remain grateful for having had him in my life. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours! 

KC Kendricks

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, Christmas Eve 2024, m/m romance, contemporary LGBT gay romance, Kindle romance, death of spouse, life after death, steak dinner, a writer's life, family

Do I feel the way I'm supposed to feel?

April 27, 2024

Some dates burn themselves onto our souls. For me, March 30, 2024, is one of them. That's the day Ron died. How was I supposed to feel at his passing? How am I supposed to feel today, almost a month later? 

The late Jim Morrison (of The Doors) penned some lyrics way back in 1967, or thereabout, that seem apropos to the way I feel today. I mentioned these words in a previous post, but I can't get them out of my head. 

Strange days have found us and through their strange hours
We linger alone, bodies confused, memories misused
As we run from the day to a strange night of stone

Back in January, I thought my strange days would pass, but instead, they got stranger. My indestructible Ron, who had triumphed over every adversity, passed away. A cancer we didn't know he had took him. How am I supposed to feel about that? 

Getting in touch with myself is on my mind. Who will I be now that Ron is gone? Being single is something I've done before. Being a "widow" is not. What's a widow supposed to do? WHO is a widow supposed to be? Who am I after thirty years of being Ron's queen? And he did treat me like a queen. He and I alone together were people no one else got to see and we liked it that way. I will never be that woman again. She is gone, already faded from memory.

My future is a blank canvas. I can paint it with all the colors of my choosing without heeding the suggestions of others. Who I will be is up to me. Society will view me as a widow, as partner-less, but that's not the full story. Ron will always be with me. His counsel was timeless, ageless, and I'm only physically alone. 

Should I sit home and mourn him? He constantly encouraged me to go with friends to those places his disability prevented him from accompanying me. He wanted me to experience life even when he could not. He was not a jealous man, but a generous one. 

I can't be the grieving widow who sits home alone. I may become one of those crazy widows with multiple pets, however. No, I will be home when I want to be home, and out in the world when I want to be out in the world. My vision of "widowhood" allows me to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. Those are the decisions I need to make, day-by-day, and they will be my own. 

Is that the way I'm supposed to feel? It's the way I DO feel.

    _*_*_*_*_*_*_

 KC Kendricks

My home on the web- Between the Keys: 

http://kckendricks.blogspot.com

Visit my bookshelf at: 

https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

KC Kendricks, Rayne Forrest, Between the Keys, widowhood, death of spouse, country lifestyle, rural living, grief, m/m romance, contemporary LGBT gay romance, romance fiction, Kindle romance

What's up? June 2023.

June 28, 2023

Several years ago I studiously produced a quarterly newsletter, beginning in March 2017 and ending with the spring 2021 edition. I enjoyed doing it. Each edition contained a word from me, a bit about what works were "in progress," a section about my best boy Deuce, an "interview" question, Fun With Photoshop, and ended with a meme of some sort. It was something I could produce during quiet moments at the day job. The old Sitebuilder software I used for a website made it sooooooo easy to upload a .pdf, and then all I had to do was announce it or link to it. That all changed when support for Sitebuilder was pulled. 

I thought I could still do a newsletter and simply load it as a page here at Between the Keys. That didn't really work. If a newsletter isn't delivered to an inbox, folks don't seem to take the time to click and go read it. 

I used to have a mailing list, which was a Yahoo Group. That worked until Groups went bye-bye. 

By mid-2021, we were still struggling with COVID-19. I had settled my stepfather's estate and begun my countdown to retirement. My husband's health was in decline. My mother is in a facility with Alzheimer's Disease. My best friend, whom I met in the third grade, had abandoned me and moved a thousand miles away. My writing partner, Christiane France, had died. I was alone and exhausted. Keeping up a newsletter was not feasible. 

Now, that's not a plea for you to say, "oh, you poor thing!" It was simply my season of trial, and as with all things, it has passed. 

On our morning walk, Deuce and I discussed whether or not I should restart the newsletter. Well, I talked and he listened as is his way. He never gives me bad advice. He simply lets me speak and lets me know he loves my voice. No one else has ever listened to me as intently as he does. But I digress...

I talked myself out of doing a newsletter. I have Between the Keys and it's time I utilize it the way I once did. Maybe one day I'll change my mind - it's been known to happen! But until then, this is still the place where I share my writing world. Thanks for stopping by!

KC Kendricks/Rayne Forrest

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Between the Keys, KC Kendricks, contemporary LGBT gay romance, m/m romance, Deuce's Day, a writer's life, writing newsletters, writers on writing, rural living, walking, mailing lists, listening, bestselling author