Thursday, January 23, 2014

Deja vu strikes

January 22, 2014

All you retailers out there, read up. Us middle-age folks just don't understand all these new-fangled gizmos you're using. We've got money, honest we do. Let us select our purchases, put them into our basket, and continue shopping. We get a little testy when you treat us like criminals. We're hard-working-tax-paying-born-on-American-soil-go-to-church-meeting-law-abiding-baby-boomer-citizens. While we don't excuse our little laspes, such as leaving a mess of men's toiletries lying in the aisle, we are far from contrite. In fact, some of us will never be contrite again.

To what do I refer?

The spousal unit decided he needed a new electric shaver. No problem - or so you'd think. It turned out to be a big problem, same as the last time.

We hopped into his full-size Chevy Silverado pickup with an extended cab and honking big redneck tires able to plow through a foot of snow like it's confetti, and we did sally forth into the bitter cold night to the not-so-local pharmacy. It's about ten miles from our home to what passes for a town. And did I mention it was freakin' cold?

The spousal unit drives through the parking lot and not finding a reserved handicapped parking space (yes, he has HD license plates) he picked out a really tiny parking space in which to park his truck. (Please refer back to the line which describes said truck as a full size Chevy Silverado.) We slip and slide across a poorly plowed parking lot into the pharmacy and find the aisle with the electric shavers and that's when the trouble started. Again.

Yes, we've been down this particular ugly road before, about seven years ago, and with the same consequences. It was deja vu in a different store.

The security boxes will not, WILL NOT, come off the hook on which they attached. We looked for the security latch, but no luck. So my beloved gave the box a good yank. Giving the box a good yank had consequences. Remember Newton's Law that states for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Right. The box was attached to the metal pegboard-thingee which was attached to the shelf-unit-thingee which was not attached to the floor.

Also not attached to anything - men's deodorant, men's hair color, men's shampoo and, of course, condoms. At least nothing shattered into a million pieces upon landing on the floor. BUT the electric shaver came loose and we ran to the checkout as fast as we could knowing one true fact:

The only safe place for us is on our mountain.

We have no clue as to why electric shavers are hot contraband. I have no clue why we couldn't convince the clerk to help us, either. Apparently she couldn't lock the cash register and come help. The experience has left us a bit jaded and thinking maybe we need to reconsider big online retailers. And that's a shame because we think buying local is important and we endeavor to do so.

But I'm not sure we can go back to that pharmacy. Considering the mess we left in our wake, they might not allow us in the door....

KC Kendricks

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