March 28, 2025
A year ago today, my late husband and I shared our final conversation. He died less than two full days later.
I'm struggling with the fact it's been a year - three hundred sixty five days - and yet the memory is still fresh and clear in my mind.
Where do I go from here? It's a serious question to which I have no definitive answer.
I've survived the last year and I'll say it myself because I doubt anyone else will - I've managed it very well. Ron spent the last years of his life preparing me, teaching me, empowering me. He was a good man. He knew what was coming and making sure I was ready was more important than preparing himself for his own passing. Again, he was a good man.
The door is open. The future invites all of us to step through and see where the path goes, but that first step is daunting. And there is a first step to take in every day.
I suppose I need to give myself this weekend to reflect and grieve. To acknowledge it has been a year since Ron died is to acknowledge just how real the future without him will be.
In some ways, I've been waiting for this first anniversary to come and go. It doesn't make absolute sense to me but at the same time it does. It's a completed cycle. It's proof I can manage on my own. It tells me some of the jokes with my girlfriends about not wanting to take on another man are not jokes but fact. I do not want to be a caregiver again, and at my age, it's certain I'd eventually become one. I'm saying no even if it means being on my own for the rest of my days.
Beyond the open door lies freedom, the kind of which it's time to experience. The only question that needs to be answered now is am I really brave enough to accept the invitation?
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My home on the web- Between the Keys:
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at:
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html
