New cover and title reveal: Once in October

September 20, 2024

The death of a loved one is never easy. It drags at the soul. I thought I'd find solace in writing, but I rushed to it which had the opposite effect. I needed time that I didn't give myself. 

I'm writing again, slowly, and it feels a lot better. The words don't come easy in every session, but they do come. I'm relieved. 

It started with December Promise, which was followed by Hot August Comes, September Morning, and July Heat. It occurred to me I'm off to a good start in creating a collection of by the month stories. Currently, I'm working on an October piece that I hope I can finish and publish before the end of October. It's difficult to refrain from stressing about it, but it will be as it will be. This is the year I need to give myself a pass on many things.

With that said, I did get a cover made! 

This story is set in Centerville as is Bored, Stroked, and Blueprinted, Memphis, and July Heat. Central to the Centerville stories is a muscle car garage and much like the Marionville collection features the characters in previous stories. Yes, I like to build my own little communities and play in them. 

Being a classic/muscle car enthusiast, the Centerville collection gives me a chance to show a piece of American automotive history, too. 

I have working titles for February, March, and April, and I need to flip a coin and decide which May and June titles work best. That likely won't happen until I've started writing those stories and the characters speak to me about it. I've wracked my brain for a November title and I'm betting that will be the last of the collection to come to life. Not all of these planned stories will be set in Centerville. At least, I don't think they will. It's a writer's prerogative to change her/his mind. 

And the car in this story? It's a 1970 Ford Torino, my first husband's car. I remember that car with more fondness than I do the man. Go figure. 

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KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KCKendricks

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, contemporary gay romance, m/m romance, GLBT romance, Kindle romance novels, series romance, Ford Torino, October, writers on writing, a writer's life

Watching men work

 

September 10, 2024

WHINE ALERT!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell is that in your backyard, you ask? 

It's been a strange year. It was last September (2023) when my husband showed the first little signs that something was going on with him. It was over a year ago we began to contact different companies to drill a new well. I'm fucking tired. 

I've needed a new well for quite some time. I have a cistern (Thank God!) and it has served me well for decades. However, with Ron's situation he had become unable to check the water level in the cistern and to take the required actions if we needed to purchase a load of water. If something happened to me, this would definitely be a problem for him. It may become a problem for me as I get older. Who knows for sure? Making life easier is generally a good thing to do. 

Soooooooooooo.... the well drillers are here and that orange mess of wet clay is what is coming up out of the hole as they drill. 

It's very distracting. 

Instead of being about writer-ish things, I've been sitting in my sunroom office with the binoculars watching the guys work. Then again, watching a couple of men work is its own reward. 

    _*_*_*_*_*_*_

 KC Kendricks

My home on the web- Between the Keys: 

http://kckendricks.blogspot.com

Visit my bookshelf at: 

https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KCKendricks

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, LGBTQ gay romance, m/m romance, kindle romance, a writer's life, well drillers, rural living, contemporary gay romance, water for life

September Morning - available now

 September Morning by KC Kendricks
Contemporary gay romance (stand-alone)
No AI was used in the creation of this story
$1.99
 
Jagger Davis, JD to his friends, takes a summer sabbatical at picturesque Sandbridge Beach in Virginia to enjoy some sun, surf, sleep, and solitude. Arriving at a rented cottage, JD finds sun and surf, but the cottage next-door houses six fun-loving guys determined to include him in their summer activities. It’s quickly evident JD won’t have time to feel lonely.
 
Nate Fischer is one of a group of friends who spend every summer at Sandbridge. An IT specialist, Nate’s taking a few weeks off before his next assignment sends him out to sea for months. He introduces himself to the new neighbor and invites JD to the first bonfire of the season.
 
JD fends off advances from Nate’s roommates as the two men grow close. JD harbors a secret in his past, one he worries Nate won’t accept. When Nate’s job abruptly calls him away, JD realizes his mistake in not giving his summer lover a fair chance. He must convince Nate he’ll be waiting when Nate returns - if Nate still wants him.
 
_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_
 
SEPTEMBER MORNING
Available at:
 
Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E1ZFGGM
Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01E1ZFGGM
Amazon CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01E1ZFGGM
Amazon AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01E1ZFGGM
 
Apple/iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/id1098476445
 
Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/september-morning-kc-kendricks/1122960527
Rakuten/Kobo: http://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/september-morning-3
Universal link to additional online vendors: https://books2read.com/u/38oGrb
 
For excerpts and more: https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/september-morning-by-kc-kendricks.html

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 KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html
My home on the web- Between the Keys: http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html
 Social media links:
twitter.com/kckendricks
facebook.com/kckendricks
 
Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KCKendricks
Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com
My country life at Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Ebb and flow - it's not steady or predictable

August 26, 2024

I've been neglecting my blog. I think it's all part of the ebb and flow of grieving the loss of my husband. Some things that I thought would get easier seem to be more difficult and vice versa. Suffice it to say this is a strange time for me. 

I knew yesterday that today might be a problem. Most of my chores are done and what remains can't be accomplished yet as I'm waiting on other people. I like to stay busy and keep up on my chores. If I fall too far behind, I may never catch up. 

Having nothing of consequence to do might seem like heaven to a lot of people, but I'm not geared that way. Having to wait for others makes me restless. These are my chores and projects, and I know they don't attach the same importance to my projects as I do. And so we wait.

"Go write," I tell myself, but I know better than to force the words when I'm so focused on other things. Even writing this blog entry is challenging. 

Is it unreasonable to attempt to control the ebb and flow of events in my life? Perhaps I should aim for a 50/50 split between managing and just letting the rivers run. 

And maybe I should go plop my ass on the old Husqvarna and make a pass through the woods to keep the briers from taking over. Yeah, that might be the best plan to get me rolling on the day.

_*_*_

KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KCKendricks

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, m/m romance, LGBT contemporary gay romance, a writer's life, widow, ebb and flow, blogging, grief management

Stepping back to refocus - new video

 August 2, 2024

Guess who managed to do another video? Yep. I got one finished and it's posted. This one is called "Stepping Back," and in it I talk about how sometimes I need to get my hands busy on a project so I can clear my head and refocus on a story. I think I'm going to leave this one up - comments be damned. 

I hope you'll check it out! 

KC 

Does it need comment?

July 14, 2024

Yesterday, former president Donald Trump held a political rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, and was nearly assassinated. I learned about it when a girlfriend called. She signed off to watch the news. I was luckier. I went to YouTube because I knew multiple reports with first-hand videos would be posted, and discovered Mike Morgan had just started a live stream. I was a little surprised to learn he actually attended the rally and was there when the shots were fired. I listened to his first-hand account and not what the news media spewed forth. I hope YouTube allows him to leave the video online. 

Does this evil thing, this deliberate attempt to take a life, need comment? Perhaps it does. 

It is not "okay" to murder a person simply because you don't care for their opinions. It is not "okay" to murder a person because you don't like the political party to which they espouse. Don't like the color of a person's hair? Don't like the shoes they wear? Shake the sand off your sandals and walk away. 

I'm more aligned with the Libertarian point of view than with the Asses and the Elephants. Libertarians feel that personal freedoms and personal responsibilities are important. Mainstream politics not only divide us, but restrain us. We need to break free of that bondage because that's what our obsession with politics is - bondage. Our personal liberties, our freedoms, are paramount. 

I'm not a Trump supporter or a Trump hater. The man exists and he's living his life. Fair enough. 

I find it astonishing (and maybe I shouldn't be surprised) that so many people believe it would be acceptable to assassinate a former president. Don't they know what that will do? Assassinating this man will elevate him to the status of JKF, RFK, and MLK. Just the attempt elevates him to stand beside Ronald Regan. I doubt that was the intention, but here we are. 

The next few months will prove educational. My plan is to observe the people around me and tread carefully. I will not engage in political debate. I fear if I do, I may lose respect for some of those people I have considered friends. 

Yes, it's a sad day that it has come to this. Hate has brought us here. I thought we were better than this. 

KC Kendricks

Independence Day 2024

 July 4, 2024

To my late husband and me, Independence Day was a day of family and reflection. Ron enlisted in the Navy as the Vietnam conflict was ramping up. In his day, his father landed on a Normandy beach. His uncles, brothers, and many cousins also served. We didn't go overboard with flying flags and plastering the homestead with red, white, and blue decorations, but instead, we quietly observed the day. It feels different this year with him gone. 

What isn't different is me sharing my favorite patriotic Internet guy. What isn't different is me bemoaning the fact that no matter what angle I look at the photo from, I can't see the goods. 

Okay. I get it that this isn't exactly in the spirit of the day, but if that photo doesn't make you want to celebrate, you need to lighten up! 

 _*_*_*_*_*_*_

KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KCKendricks

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, Independence Day, LGBT gay romance, m/m romance, Kindle romance novels, guy with flag, celebrate, my opinion

And once again

June 28, 2024

Life never goes as I plan, or even hope. I've made a little headway on the writing front, but not enough to feel good about it, much less brag. This June now ending has been a whirlwind of activities I didn't see coming down the pike at me. The major heat wave that sent us to scorched earth status did not help either. 

Don't get me wrong because I'm not complaining about getting lunch and dinner invites. I'm not complaining about the temps cresting the 100F mark. Deuce had a bit to say about it over at Deuce's Day, but he has black fur and he was not a happy puppy. I think it's very nice of "my" people that they feel the need to check on me and make sure I'm okay. Ron's been gone for three months, and they care. But it's only possible to write if I'm at the computer. 

Again - I am not complaining. 

I knew getting into a new groove would be difficult, but I looked forward to having some structure back in my day by now. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me to relax and go with the flow instead of putting myself on a schedule. Who knows? 

I do know that going with the flow isn't easy for me. There are so many projects up in the air that I think I'm losing my mind! The new well isn't drilled (thanks to a hold up in the county permits office), the Charger hasn't gone in for an oil change (it's not overdue so not critical), the John Deere 1023 hasn't been serviced (simple filter changes), the woodyard is still a mess, and the shed is only halfway reorganized. And there are still items to be completed to finalize Ron's estate. I know it will all get accomplished in due time, but I'm stressing over the mountain all that has created. One step at a time, right? 

None of this is insurmountable. I simply need to make a phone call to the garage, stop by the John Deere dealership to purchase the filters, and go to Lowe's or Home Depot for some heavy-duty hooks and brackets for in the shed. 

But now I have to go get ready to meet a friend for lunch and some retail therapy. It looks like this blog post may be all I get written today. Go with the flow, right? 

    _*_*_*_*_*_*_

 KC Kendricks

My home on the web- Between the Keys: 

http://kckendricks.blogspot.com

Visit my bookshelf at: 

https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KCKendricks

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, contemporary gay romance, m/m romance, LGBT gay, Kindle romance, rural living, life after loss, family, gardening, John Deere, Dodge Charger

Video: A Patio Chat

June 15, 2024

This week now ending has been full of activity. There have been the usual chores to do as well as a few extras. In preparation for the new well, a local gentleman I've known for years came and doused. He found the same spot his father did many years ago. I do believe there is something to it. 

The drill manager came and went twice, taking measurements and such. He brought good news that I hope holds true. They hope to set up the drill rig this coming week. The "handyman" building a new deck for one of the cousins came and looked at the cistern. He'll clean and reseal it after the well is up and running. It may seem senseless to keep the cistern ready to go, but if the new well fails, I need a backup plan in place. Living on a severe water restriction is not any fun. 

I worked on the writing, too. It feels good to be back at it even in a smaller capacity. When I needed to take a break, I made two video segments - a garden tour and a patio chat. Once I got into editing them, I decided to tack the garden tour onto the end of the patio chat since it's not all that wonderful. Hopefully, I'll shoot a better yard and garden update next week. 

The patio chat segment is okay. I'm learning more every time I make a video, so bear with me. I want to keep these videos "real" and not super edited and slick looking. Making videos is not my job. It's merely a hobby. I think it's fine if they look real. Will I get better at it? I hope so, but I don't want to go all slick and professional. Keep it simple and keep it real is the modus operandi for this.

The video is below if you'd like to view it, and if you want to subscribe to my YouTube channel and help the channel grow, I'd appreciate it.

*** Video was removed 7/1/24 due to a safety concern***

    _*_*_*_*_*_*_

 KC Kendricks

My home on the web- Between the Keys: 

http://kckendricks.blogspot.com

Visit my bookshelf at: 

https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

KC Kendricks, Rayne Forrest, Between the Keys, YouTube videos, author chat, country living, m/m romance, time management, black Labrador Retriever, contemporary gay romance, LGBT romance, Kindle romance books, gardening

Forward progress!

June 4, 2024

Forward progress was made today! I was determined to accomplish two things and both of them worked out great. I incorporated an idea into one of the WIPs and I fleshed out the premise and character bios for an idea I've been kicking around for a fourth story set in Centerville. I'm calling it a WIN!. 

Maybe it was a reflection of the decal I put up above the patio doors this morning. "She believed she could so she did." It was an impulse purchase but it's something I need to remember. I need to set my mind to a task and do it. And maybe  blogging yesterday about my unrest helped bring what I want into better focus. 

Since Ron passed, I've been procrastinating on a lot of fronts. I've handled those things that were urgent, but let other things, like the writing, slide. It's been bothering me which is why I'm blogging about it again. I don't like procrastination. I don't like that I fell into that trap. And yet I know I need to allow myself some leeway. The death of a spouse changes everything. 

Ron encouraged me to write. He was amazed, and a bit envious, that I could write not one story, but over seventy stories. In the early writing years, he sent me to the computer while he put the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Times change but the memory of the ways he supported me remain. Now I need to remember his voice saying, "don't you have a book to finish?'

Yes, Ron, I believe I do. It may still take a while, but at least for tonight, I believe I'll actually get it finished. 

    _*_*_*_*_*_*_

 KC Kendricks

My home on the web- Between the Keys: 

http://kckendricks.blogspot.com

Visit my bookshelf at: 

https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, contemporary gay romance, m/m romance, romance for Kindle, writers on writing, loss of spouse, procrastination, gaining focus, character bios, LGBT romance

I made it to here

June 3, 2024

I sat down at the computer this afternoon with every intention of doing something productive. 

I broke out in a cold sweat. 

Having now stared at the monitor for the last little while, I wonder if it's too soon after Ron's death to entertain the idea of getting back to writing. Then again, I remind myself that grieving for him has no end, and I need to get on with it. I know this because I still grieve for my father, and he passed in 1983.

I want to write again. I have more than a few ideas knocking about in my brain, but sitting down at the computer shoves them into a box and closes the lid. It's very strange. 

The past two months have been a whirlwind of completing task after task after task. I've reached the point where there are only a few loose threads to tie off and my beloved husband's life-on-paper will be consigned to a folder in a drawer. Perhaps this knowledge has me unsettled again. 

Sometimes introspection can be burdensome. It's good to know yourself but it's also good, at least for me, to be able to set concerns aside and write. I don't want 2024 to be the year I don't complete a book, but if it is, I'll know the reason. 

I'm sure some authors would advise me to pour my emotional unrest, my grief, into a book. That's good advice. Summer is here and the afternoons will be too hazy, hot, and humid to be outside doing anything more strenuous than sitting on the patio with a fan blowing on me. My air conditioned office would be a good place to hang out from about eleven o'clock until about six o'clock. But baring my soul when I'm not really in touch with it seems like a bad idea.

But like always, blogging has helped me focus. Blogging is like thinking with my fingers. I think I'm going to wrap this up and go back to one of the manuscripts I have started and see what "clicks" for me. After all, I made it to here so I may as well keep typing. 

*_*_*_*_*_*_

KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Between the Keys, KC Kendricks, contemporary gay romance, m/m romance, LGBT romance, romance for Kindle, writers on writing, authors, focus, writer's block, time management

Working my way to...somewhere

May 26, 2024

Everyone, whether they admit it or not, has thoughts about the "what ifs" in life. We wonder what we would do in a certain scenario. Living with Ron's many health issues that developed over the last several years, I freely admit I spent many a sleepless night pondering the Big Question. What will I do if he dies? The quick answer to the question is that I will carry on. 

That's what I've been doing, but it hasn't looked the way I thought it would. I've been doing the outside work for many years - the mowing, weed-whacking, gardening, and managing the firewood. I enjoy being outside and some of what gets done can hardly be called "work." Hopping on the John Deere x370 to mow is a lot of fun. So I say! 

Years ago, I started to post short videos on YouTube so that Ron could get a look at what was going on in those areas his power chair couldn't access. He appreciated seeing them on the large screen TV he assured me he NEEDED. (Yes, I had a few private laughs at the man but a big TV is an easy indulgence.)

Now I'm at the point where I'm not sure if I want to continue to post videos. I made one yesterday that was a quick garden tour and a bit of a chat from inside the garden. Will I make more? I don't know. Every day unfolds differently than I plan as I sit and sip the morning cup of coffee. 

So here is the video for those who want to see what I look like. Next time, if there is a next time, I'll make sure I'm not all hot and sweaty before I turn the camera on myself! I'll record any "chat" part first and then do the work. And I'll be sure to smile for a good thumbnail. Even an old lady can learn new tricks!

***Video removed 7/1/24 due to safety concerns***

_*_*_*_*_*_*_

KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, gay romance, LGBT gay, Kindle romance, m/m romance, gardening, country lifestyle, rural living, John Deere x370, YouTube videos

Do I feel the way I'm supposed to feel?

April 27, 2024

Some dates burn themselves onto our souls. For me, March 30, 2024, is one of them. That's the day Ron died. How was I supposed to feel at his passing? How am I supposed to feel today, almost a month later? 

The late Jim Morrison (of The Doors) penned some lyrics way back in 1967, or thereabout, that seem apropos to the way I feel today. I mentioned these words in a previous post, but I can't get them out of my head. 

Strange days have found us and through their strange hours
We linger alone, bodies confused, memories misused
As we run from the day to a strange night of stone

Back in January, I thought my strange days would pass, but instead, they got stranger. My indestructible Ron, who had triumphed over every adversity, passed away. A cancer we didn't know he had took him. How am I supposed to feel about that? 

Getting in touch with myself is on my mind. Who will I be now that Ron is gone? Being single is something I've done before. Being a "widow" is not. What's a widow supposed to do? WHO is a widow supposed to be? Who am I after thirty years of being Ron's queen? And he did treat me like a queen. He and I alone together were people no one else got to see and we liked it that way. I will never be that woman again. She is gone, already faded from memory.

My future is a blank canvas. I can paint it with all the colors of my choosing without heeding the suggestions of others. Who I will be is up to me. Society will view me as a widow, as partner-less, but that's not the full story. Ron will always be with me. His counsel was timeless, ageless, and I'm only physically alone. 

Should I sit home and mourn him? He constantly encouraged me to go with friends to those places his disability prevented him from accompanying me. He wanted me to experience life even when he could not. He was not a jealous man, but a generous one. 

I can't be the grieving widow who sits home alone. I may become one of those crazy widows with multiple pets, however. No, I will be home when I want to be home, and out in the world when I want to be out in the world. My vision of "widowhood" allows me to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. Those are the decisions I need to make, day-by-day, and they will be my own. 

Is that the way I'm supposed to feel? It's the way I DO feel.

    _*_*_*_*_*_*_

 KC Kendricks

My home on the web- Between the Keys: 

http://kckendricks.blogspot.com

Visit my bookshelf at: 

https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

twitter.com/kckendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

KC Kendricks, Rayne Forrest, Between the Keys, widowhood, death of spouse, country lifestyle, rural living, grief, m/m romance, contemporary LGBT gay romance, romance fiction, Kindle romance

I won't say the words

April 13, 2024

Many years ago, on August 20, 2017, to be exact, I wrote these words: "...the last thing I ever want to say to anyone is 'I used to be a writer'."  In that blog post, I bemoaned how little time I had to write. I was working full-time, caring for my ailing stepfather, my mother was in a nursing home, and my husband's health was not robust. I did not have the time or energy to continue to write at the level I was accustomed to. Fast forward to today, and I'm adrift. 

But I refuse to say those words. 

Ron's passing has brought seismic changes to my life. In fact, my life as I knew it for the last thirty years is over. I'm now in a time of transition and, I suspect, a time of reinvention. 

I don't anticipate being able to practice my craft for at least the next few weeks. There are "business" matters to attend to. I need to cancel his cell phone, get the Internet transferred into my name, sell his van, and settle all medical accounts. There are also more personal things to attend to as well. His beloved Strat has been given to his son, and it hurt my heart to part with it. 

I'm free now. My days belong to me. It's rather daunting, too. The gardening season is just around the corner. There will soon be mowing to do and outside projects to complete. And there will be time to write. 

First and foremost, I will be kind to myself. I will give myself time to adjust to living alone again. It's been thirty years since the last time I did, and I'm far better equipped for it at this stage of my life. In many ways, I've been in training for it for the last few years as his health declined more rapidly. 

So how do I want to reinvent myself as a woman on her own? Do I want to follow the musings I've had in the middle of many sleepless nights? Or now that the time has arrived, do I want to strike out in directions never considered? 

The next few months will likely bring a few surprises to my door. I hope I'm ready for them. 

_*_*_*_*_*_*_

KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, Rayne Forrest, Between the Keys, death of spouse, LGBT gay romance, m/m romance, Kindle romance, on being a writer, life changes, Fender Strat, family, summer, gardening, 

Privilege and burden

April 6, 2024

One week. It seems a lot longer.

There is a hole in my life that RC inhabited. It may never seal over, but I see signs it will close. I've put down an area rug so Deuce can be more comfortable on the hardwood floor. I've rearranged the furniture now that I don't need to allow for RC's mobility limitations. Rearranging the furniture allowed me to bring my grandmother's Eastlake rocker back to the living room. 

It feels strange that such a small thing as having my grandmother's rocker back in my living space would have such a big impact. Being in the house with just Deuce and Loki has me reflecting on how much RC's health impacted the way we lived. Should I lie and say I feel no satisfaction in moving everything to where I want it? No, I will not. 

I was twenty-six when my father died. The hospital called and told Mom she should come in "right away." Dad was gone when we arrived. My mother uttered these words: "I'm free."  It shocked my young self but now I understand. No matter how much you love your spouse, caring for them through illness and end of life is both privilege and burden. 

I don't regret the thirty years we spent together. We had good times before he had the first cancer. After that, we did the best we could do. 

Will I be lonely? I have been lonely. Everywhere I went, I went alone because it was so difficult for him to get in and out of a vehicle. That will not change. 

Will I work harder around the house and yard? I was already doing everything. That will not change. 

But there will still be a hole in my life. His steadying presence is gone. His knowledge is gone, although I learned a lot from him. 

Like my mother, I'm free, and that, too, is both privilege and burden. 

_*_*_*_*_*_*_

KC Kendricks
My home on the web- Between the Keys: 
http://kckendricks.blogspot.com
Visit my bookshelf at: 
https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/bookshelf.html

Social media links:

twitter.com/kckendricks

pinterest.com/kckendricks/boards

instagram.com/kc_kendricks

facebook.com/kckendricks

Snips and clips on my YouTube channel: KC Kendricks Between the Keys

Life through the eyes of my black Lab, Greenbrier Smokey Deuce: deucesday.blogspot.com

My country life at The Hideaway/Holly Tree Manor: hollytreemanor.blogspot.com

KC Kendricks, Between the Keys, loss of spouse, Kindle romance, life changes, Rayne Forrest, rural living, Eastlake, living alone